


old hat, new hat

by iihappydaysii



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Arguing, Jealousy, M/M, and i found this old fic, don't take this as like researched canon, early phan, just an idea i had a long time ago
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 22:05:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15827841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iihappydaysii/pseuds/iihappydaysii
Summary: Phil's friends don't like Dan and they just won't let it go.





	old hat, new hat

“I’m not trying to tell you what to do.” Charlie looked down at his Starbucks cup like there were answers in there. Phil knew there weren’t answers in there. He wasn’t sure why he was still letting the people in his life keep looking for them.

Phil tried to swallow the lump in his throat as he picked at the lid on his latte. “Um, well it kind of seems like it.”

He and Charlie—they’d had this conversation so many times at this point it was old hat. Phil was getting fed up with old hats.

“I just care about you,” Charlie said softly.

“Yeah,” Phil said what he wasn’t really sure he believed. Should caring about someone mean making them feeling like this? Small and stupid?

Honesty, it had stopped feeling like care a long time ago. Probably sometime after he’d known what true care felt like coming from someone who wasn’t family. But even his family, as much as they loved him, had expectations for him. Being with Dan, it was the absence of expectation. It was simply _being._ It was like nothing Phil had experienced before and, frankly, it was addicting.

Charlie’s voice raised a little as he leaned in. “I do care about you, Phil. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

Phil said nothing for a moment, just let himself feel the pit in his stomach, the uncomfortable crawl across his skin at those words. “You’re kind of hurting me right now, a little bit, though.”

He hated saying that. Hated the bite of conflict it would cause. He hated how he always seemed to be in conflict with someone nowadays. It didn’t feel fair. He hadn’t done anything wrong by falling in love with Dan, and yet he was treated like he had.

Charlie sighed, frowning. “He’s just…”

“What?”

“He’s not very nice,” Charlie said, matter-of-factly. Like it wasn’t a terrible thing to say about someone. Someone Phil thought was wonderful.

Phil shook his head. “You just don’t know him.”

“I shouldn’t have to know someone that well to know whether or not they’re nice. They should just be nice.”

Maybe Dan wasn’t always nice, not always agreeable. Maybe when other people would poke fun at Phil in the ways Phil had confessed had secretly hurt him, maybe Dan bit back. Maybe Dan wasn’t always nice, but he was a fighter and he was kind. Dan had the biggest heart of anyone Phil had ever met. The thing was the bigger the heart, the more tender, the more necessary the armor.

“He is. He just gets nervous and doesn’t know what to say. People get nervous, Charlie.” That was a good answer, right? An answer that didn’t betray Dan’s confidence, betray his insecurities. He’d wanted Phil’s friends to like him so much, and they hadn’t. It had crushed Dan, but he knew Dan wouldn’t want anyone to know that.

“ _You’re_ nervous and still nice,” Charlie said.

Phil didn’t even want to look at Charlie so he didn’t. He looked down at the plastic lid of his latte again. “Yeah, well, Dan’s not me.”

“No, he’s definitely not, Phil. You’re incredible…” There was a sugar softness to Charlie’s voice that made Phil uncomfortable. No one should take that tone with him but Dan. “I might even say _amazing._ And he’s…”

Phil looked up. “What?”

“An arrogant bastard. With not even half your talent.”

_Bullshit._

“He’s not.” Phil curled his hand into a fist. “You have no idea.” No idea how hard Dan tries, how scared he is, how much he wants people to like him, even though he believes there’s nothing really there worth liking.

“I just want you to be careful, and he’s isolating you from the people who care about you.” Charlie reached out, laid a hand on Phil’s wrist.

Maybe it was an overreaction, but the touch made Phil feel a little sick. “Like you?”

“Yeah, Phil.” Charlie’s voice was a near whisper. “Like _me_.”

“Maybe because you keep telling me to break up with him,” Phil mumbled, picking at the lid of his cup again. And Dan wasn’t telling Phil not to hang out with his friends. It was just Phil would rather be with Dan so if his friends didn’t want to be around Dan…

“I don’t do—“

“You’re doing it right now, aren’t you?” Phil shook his head. “All this concern… it’s just a way of you saying I should break up with him.”

“Those things aren’t mutually exclusive, Phil. I am concerned. I think he’s using you for views, for fame, to feel better about himself, I don’t know. So yes, I _am_ concerned _and_ I think you should break up with him.”

Phil wanted to tear those words out of existence, rearrange them until they didn’t say that _. Break up with him._ The soundwaves of those words had no right to be spreading and echoing out across the universe.

“Or what?” Phil spoke through shut teeth.

“Or what nothing, Phil.” Charlie’s voice was soft but his shoulders were tense. “It’s not an ultimatum.”

“But every time we hang out, you’re just going to circle it back around to this. Like you’ve done for the last month.”

Charlie rubbed a hand over his jaw. “Phil.”

“Because I’m getting pretty sick of it. And…”

“And what?” There was an edge to Charlie’s voice now.

“And, I know what you’re doing,” Phil said, a slight stutter in his voice betraying the confidence he’d wanted to convey. He shouldn’t bring this up. He should just let it go. It was something he’d felt guilty for—going out of his way to fall for Dan when Charlie was right there in front of him.

“What am I doing?”

Phil felt like his voice was small, too small. “You, you’re still…you’re still into me.” He felt the blush on his cheeks. It always felt weird to insinuate anyone _liked_ him like that, even sometimes Dan. Dan who loved him. Dan who was _in_ love with him and told him that every day.

Charlie huffed. “Did he tell you that’s what this is about?”

He had. That’s exactly what Dan had said, but just because Dan had said it didn’t make it wrong.

Phil swallowed and forced himself to look at Charlie. “Tell me he’s wrong. Tell me you’re not.”

Charlie’s eyes cast down. “…Phil.” He let out a breath. “I might be into you, I might think I’m better for you than he is, but that doesn’t change the reality of what Dan is doing, of who he is and what he’s doing to you and the relationships with your friends. Tell me you haven’t lost any friends.”

Of course, he’d lost friends. He’d lost friends because he was no longer at the beck and call. He’d lost friends because they were judgmental and cruel to the person he loved. He’d lost friends because he’d grown as a person and those people were uncomfortable with the man he was becoming. He’d lost some friends because of Dan too because in the way Dan treated him and accepted him he saw what real friendship was and it made other friendships pale in comparison.

“Stop!” The edge and volume of Phil’s voice startled him as well as it seemed to startle Charlie. Phil stood up. “Just stop it. I’m not going to do this anymore. I’m not going to sit here and listen to you insult the most important person in my life. I’m tired of it, Charlie, and I don’t have to do it anymore. I’m done.”

Charlie looked at him, a hard expression on his face. “Jesus, Phil. He’s changed you.”

“Yeah,” Phil said, dead-pan. Maybe he was channeling Dan a little, using that fighting strength of his to embolden himself. “He’s helping me figure out how to stand up for myself and see how I actually deserve to be treated. What an asshole.”


End file.
